Timey Wimey Head

Don’t you think the name of the place is a little tiny bit ironic considering what your best friend (aka me) is?

Of course it is. The universe has a quirky sense of humor, you know ;)

flashlight-boner asked: One that would leave his face red for a week, sweetie.

Well…my favorite is when he walked in on Caligula with a page boy, a sheep and honey and-

Anonymous asked: One place you'll never go back to.

Demon’s Run.

king-of-fire:

Alastair listened and nodded along with her as she explained herself.  ”I think most races hate being associated with humans.  They have a sense of misplaced self-importance about them that is off putting.  But I hope I don’t offend.  You said you were part human.”  He drank to keep himself from saying more.  She seemed well enough, but part of him held her alien origins responsible for the good aspects of her personality.

“As for the humans we’re talking about,” he motioned to Crowley, “What they don’t know won’t… oh wait, it will hurt them.  I owe them a visit.  Can’t have them forgetting.”

He turned back to River.  ”So you mean there’s more than physical differences when you change into a new form?  Have you considered that the change could run more than skin deep? A change in your chemistry?”  He paused when he realized that he was treating her like an object, but this was simply nothing he’d ever seen and his inquisitive mind wanted to know more.  ”You said there was another one of you, the Doctor?”

Thinking about what River said, that alien races got insulted when compared and considered as similar to humans. That was a sentiment shared. But honestly in his mind it was apples to oranges. An unresolvable and ultimately useless comparison. Not even fully the fact that the human race was such a screw up that no one wishes to be associated with them. It was more along the lines you wouldn’t like to be called a toaster when you’re not one. 

He did have to laugh at the ‘warranty’ comment, “Course you have a warranty. What with all that time energy. Immortality, until someone manages to kill you. After that, one was just long-lived.”

Glancing over to Alastair, ”Yes they shouldn’t forget, but” Changing his tone to the more fitting one of a dramatic theater performer, “Oh, beware, my lord, of jealousy; It is the green-eyed monster, which doth mock the meat it feeds on. That cuckold lives in bliss, who, certain of his fate, loves not his wronger. Othello, Act 3, Scene 3, Page 8.” Getting up from his seat Crowley headed back to the cabinet again to get another bottle. “My point is, beware if you start spending time with them maybe your ex-student will get jealous.” was shot back, mostly a joke.

Opening the cabinet he swept over the display shelves, deciding in a round about way on what to settle for. Taking up a bottle of Johnnie Walker Black Label walking back. “The subject of names was often an inquisitive one, though.” He recalled hearing somewhere long ago that words are pale shadows of forgotten names. As names have power, words have power. Words can light fires in the minds of men. Words can wring tears from the hardest hearts. ”Think Song fits you better. It’s more personal and more connected then the other one, as it tells said story with it.” He did sit back down to listen how River would answer the questions posed by Al, as they were interesting ones.

River shook her head. “No offense taken, but you’d be surprised how many other species have that same self-importance. There’s an entire race of aliens that one day decided their way of repairing bones was better than their neighbors, so the two began a war over their styles of surgery.” She raised her eyebrows and inclined her head in a shrug. “Needless to say they had plenty of time to practice their technique and war over the improvements.” She turned back to Alastair after a sip of rum. “I didn’t think you’d have any fondness for humans anyways. Do you only torture human souls, or is there another side to your livelihood?” River wasn’t sure how much of an answer she wanted, but she was far too interested in his answer to care.

The two of them talked about the same people again, purposely not naming them River assumed. It was none of her business, but it was the best way to make her curious, no matter how much she knew asking them who they were talking about would be imprudent of her.

Alastair surprised her with his questions. She smiled a genuine smile and launched right in, shooting Crowley a mock exasperated look before she did. “It’s everything that changes. My body most especially, but the process does bring out different aspects of my personality to different extents each time. When I was being raised, I was already a stubborn child, so the only way they could make me listen to their orders was to first brainwash me and when I learned to counteract that, they had to threaten me with broken ribs.” River smirked. “That only worked until they taught me how to break ribs right back.” With a laugh, she continued, “So my gorgeousness isn’t only skin deep. But yes, the Doctor. I’ve met two of his lives, running around all at once. He’s a full Time Lord and he’s lived much longer than I. I’ve rewritten the universe a few times to get him to listen to me and see things my way, but usually he doesn’t take that much convincing.” River grinned again, taking a sip of her rum.

“Why thank you,” she said, bowing her head. “I’m supposed to pick a title for myself, like a good little Time Lady, but I like my name. What about you two? I really know close to nothing about demons. How did you come to be demons? Did you pick your own names, your own professions?” There were so many other questions burning in her mind, it might have shown through in her excited tone and the way she was sitting on the edge of her seat, but River closed her mouth, waiting for the answers to those first.

(Source: daliwithablade)

flashlight-boner asked: Do you have any embarrassing stories to share about the Doctor?

How embarrassing do you want, dear? There’s quite a range.

Anonymous asked: Pickle surprise!

king-of-fire:

daliwithablade:

“Well I’m assuming there’s more than one race.  I’m sure that physiology and anatomy would differ greatly.  Look at humans, even they adapt over time.” He took the picture from her and nodded.  ”That is an interesting thing to be able to do.  Does it come with an extended lifespan or are the changes simply in appearance?”  He passed the picture on to Crowley.

“I’ll have you know that creepy math teacher seems to work better than creepy pediatrician did.  I mostly hang on to this one since it is attached to certain events that I don’t want them to forget.  Like how one ape-brained behemoth murdered me.  The same one that Crowley here changed all the locks for.  Not that it’s really a problem, it’s more the principle of the thing.”

“I didn’t change the locks for Az’s mutt offspring. I changed them for Ruby. And does it really matter ? Even in principle you still know all the loopholes to slip passed those locks, as always. Or did I forget to mention that to the Love Birds ? Oh Well, they’re grown ups they can handle proofing their own nest. And if they didn’t then an angry Darwin really should get them.”  

Taking the phone with the pictures, Crowley looked over them. “They look illustrious, absolutely and utterly so.” Stopping at a portrait of Mel, showing the face. “See ? This one,” Turning the phone to them so they could see what he was looking at. “This is the hair color shade I wanted. But couldn’t find a suit with it. Well, not one that was fitting nor classy enough. You know, in a way that appeals to people with vain, shallow taste.” Looking up at River, he flashed her a smile. “Marvelous suits.” passing back the phone.  

“So why the name change ? Don’t get me wrong, River Song sounds just as lovely.” He asked curiously, usually folks changed names only if they had to. And even then some. 

“At least one race for every inhabited planet!” River said, her mind racing with all the kinds of aliens she’d come across of heard about. “Many are built the same way humans are, but they get insulted when you call them humanoid since humans are so recently evolved, but that’s beside the point.” She was rambling again, so she downed some rum to stop herself from going on for the next few hours; she would rather stop herself than have them grow bored and stop her. She looked back and forth between them as they bantered about other people they knew either being stupid or not, but she didn’t know who they were referencing and River didn’t want to ask. It would ruin the moment of watching them.

River looked up at Alastair’s comment that made her sound like a car. “I don’t have a warranty,” she said with a grin. “It’s a defense mechanism when I die. When all Time Lords die, actually. Their bodies completely reform in response to the dying cells, and they’re essentially reborn. Oddly enough, I was pointing a gun at Hitler when I got shot myself and had to regenerate into what you see now. Then of course I jumped out a window and decided to piss off almost the entire German army.” A mischievous smile curled on her face as she remembered the indignation on the soldier’s faces. “I do want to hang on to this one, too, for the same posterity’s sake.” Not to mention the next time I die will be my last.

She couldn’t help but laugh out loud at Crowley’s comments. “Thank you, but I don’t get to pick. I get what I get, but each one has had its own charms.” River took her phone back and pocketed it again. “My name… that’s a story and a half. Crowley, you already know my mother’s name is Amelia Pond, so my birth name was Melody Pond. When she was held prisoner on Demon’s Run, that asteroid where I was born, a woman helped her and gave her a blanket for me with my name written in her native language. They didn’t have a word for Pond, since the only water in their forest is the river.” It sounded so outlandish when she said it all like that, but that was as simple as she could make it without having to spend a few days explaining all the details.

king-of-fire:

“Eyes are more of a classification of sorts.  You earn them and then when you get them they signify that you belong where you are.  I don’t think to connect them to the actual body or true form.  And I don’t mind the questions since you’re more than willing to answer a few of my own.  I’ve seen a lot of things in my days, but never an alien.”

He listened to her talk about another planet and smiled when she mentioned a place that had three suns.  That would be an interesting vacationing place, certainly better than Earth and it sounded like it was inhabited by individuals, aliens he could study.  He paused for a second to consider whether or not this Time Lady would actually let him do something or if she did have some sort of morals.  Then she brought up his meatsuit. 

“You mean this old thing?  I picked it up almost at random.  I’m not very picky about these things and I needed a body so I could confront my old apprentice and his partly demonic big little brother.  Considering some of the other options I think I did fairly well.  Crowley would have hated it if I stuck with the one before this.  Quite the lug he was.”  Alastair held his hands in front of him and admired his own long spindly fingers.  ”I had one before that was pretty good, but he was disintegrated.”

Listening to River go on about this place Laranticelphria, it sounded most intriguing. While perception filters were something not that hard to understand, it did pose a question of what would one see if said buildings responded in such a way. Wondering for a moment was this supposed to pose a philosophical catch, and deciding it probably in a way was. Another notion did cross his mind, the question of was this ever used to manipulate it’s audience. 

Looking over to Al at the mention of the old suit, he scoffed. “That old one didn’t hold a candle to this one. It was too common looking, so ‘09. Blending into a crowd, didn’t attract attention. This one, while it may be going for a creepy math teacher look at least has uniqueness to it. And that’s what matters. It’s better to be a show stopper.”

Taking another sip from his drink, “And that’s a shame about it ending up disintegrated. It looked good in a suit, blasted choirboys. They’re the reason we can’t have nice things anymore.” Crowley added.  

“You can ask me anything you like, and I’ll answer honestly,” River said, glancing at Alastair over the rim of her glass as she sipped. “And aliens can get pretty fantastical, let me tell you. But they’re nothing like you two.” There was plenty about science she didn’t know, but the few things she knew about magic and the supernatural was paltry.

Both Alastair and Crowley seemed very interested in Larenticelphria, and River felt herself get a little giddy. She was enormously glad they seemed invested enough to tell them about their lives in exchange for what she knew. It made her feel as if she wasn’t as big an outsider in their world, and she could talk about whatever they wanted to know for days.

She laughed when they both put down Alastair’s old suits. “I take it you like this one, then?” River chuckled. “Creepy math teacher vibes aside.” On an impulse, she took out her phone and flipped through to some appropriate pictures. “This was my last regeneration,” she said, passing it to Alastair and Crowley. “I was known as Mels, then. I didn’t go as River Song until I changed to this body.” Grinning, she tossed her hair. “And I do love the upgrade, as charming as it was to grow up in that body was.”

(Source: daliwithablade)

king-of-fire:

“For all your insults, I suppose traditionalist is the best way of phrasing it.  I’m rather attached to the ways of the olden days.  Especially since they were the ways that were used until Crowley here made a successful grab for the crown.  I’m still not sure if I like the whole idea of putting people in a line,” he took a drink of his mead and frowned.  ”But at least I’ll never be out of work.  And yes, there’s different eye colors.  The older original demons have white like mine,” he showed his white eyes.  ”The deal makers have red eyes and the rest of them are pretty much black eyed.”  He made a dismissive gesture with his hand.  ”That’s us, best side show south of the topside.”

Alastair barely managed to keep himself from rolling his eyes at Crowley’s long winded speech.  He’d heard it all before, but he still preferred Hell to Earth and he simply could not understand why anyone wanted to go to Heaven for. Then River started talking to him and he made himself listen.

“An assassin, well that’s rather interesting.  And yes, life on the tundra gets a little too mundane sometimes for me, but it seems that humans are very good about putting on a war every once in a while.  As for my favorite time period, I have to admit that the Crusades were rather interesting.  We got all sorts downstairs and the pious ones are always the most amusing, they get so very indignant.  But what about you, Time Lady assassin.  Maybe Crowley knows all this, but where do you come from and what is a Time Lady?”

“You don’t have to like it, but it serves a point. It’s an effective way of logging in new arrivals before they’re sent off to the pits. This way no one gets over looked.” He commented briefly on the topic of lines. “Yes, it’s mostly about rank. Different colors for different positions. And then it’s on to departments.”

Doing a cheers gesture at the fantastic compliment, he finished his drink pouring another from the near by bottle. Thinking about the favorite time question. “Every era has its charms. And everybody is, I suppose, either Classic or Gothic by nature. Either you feel in your bones that buildings should be rectangular boxes with lids to them, or you are moved to the marrow by walls that climb and branch, and break into a inflorescence of pinnacles. Why, even the streets of Berlin at this very time period are a fantasia, scarcely touched by the twentieth century or nineteenth, for that matter.

Its a city of alchemists, its medieval cobbles once trod by golems, mystics, invading armies. Tall houses with glowing golden-rods and carmine embellished with Rococo plasterwork and capped in roofs of uniform red. Baroque cupolas of the soft green and antique copper, and Gothic steeples stand ready to impale falling angels. The winds carry memories of revolution, violins, Motzart. Pushing chamber music on street corners with marionettes hung in windows, making the whole city seem like a theater with unseen puppeteers. That being said this isn’t my favorite time, just one of the top few.

So I must add, very partial to the fourteenth century too. Dripping stone walls in uninhabited castles, ivy-clad monastery ruins by moonlight. Locked inner rooms and secret dungeons, dank charnel houses and overgrown graveyards. Footsteps creaking upon staircases and fingers tapping at casements windows. When mere howlings on cold dark nights invented stories of headless horseman. Swirling mists and sudden winds, insubstantial specters and unseen creatures. Where in men were found by bloodhounds, dead at dawn. And women turned white-haired raving lunatics, and vanished corpses and curses upon heirs.” 

“Yes, I’ve heard the definitions of Time Lady, but that’s no reason I can’t listen to it again.” Crowley said with a smile gesturing for them to carry on. Turning his attention to his drink once again.  

“Lines also make the wait terrifying in a different way,” River said. “Not any more so, but it’s something terrible when you can see your fate approaching slowly but surely.” Her voice was low as she spoke, the moment of watching her arms raise against her will, her finger tightening on the trigger outside of her control. She was brought out of her reverie when Alastair flashed his eyes white, and River couldn’t help but lean forward. “Does the color and your rank have any affect on your form outside of the meat suit, or is it the other way around? Forgive the questions, my curiosity in insatiable.”

Crowley once again went off on a long tangent and River again listened to every word. He certainly had a way of talking that painted a picture in her head, something very few people could do well. “You should see the cities on Laranticelphria. Every building responds to what you want to see due to perception filters, but in every version of them the elements are the same, much as you described.” River leaned over to Alastair. “And on it’s coldest days the triple suns boil the seas. It’s very hard to get a cold drink there,” she remarked with a chuckled.

River looked up to Alastair when he asked his question, her eyes slightly wide. It was strange to stare back at him, knowing he was curious about her as well. “Time Lady is a title I adopted because of my genetics. It’s all a bit complicated, but I’m part human part Time Lord. They used to rule a planet called Gallifrey, traveling through time on a mission to document all important events. The only one left now is called the Doctor, if you’ve heard of him. As for where I come from, I was born on an asteroid modified to be a battle station and then taken from my mother hours afterwards. I don’t know where I was trained, but when I was eight or nine I ended up on Earth trapped in a space suit. I had to regenerate when I escaped, but they couldn’t track my new form then.” She smirked. “You could say I switched meat suits. This one by far is my favorite.” River leaned back in her chair, taking a sip of her rum. “Where did you come across your current meat suit, Alastair?”

(Source: daliwithablade)